Fear

Fear… it’s not just a California hardcore band.

A couple of months ago, I posted about how I had this idea for a project/business/thingie. I didn’t go into much detail at the time, and haven’t said much about it since, but believe me, it has consumed a good chunk of my time and thoughts since then. The basic idea is to have a website and weekly e-newsletter focusing on New Hampshire liberty activism, featuring original writing by New Hampshire liberty activists. It’s hardly a unique concept; there are several other people running websites focusing on aspects of NH liberty activism, updated with varying degrees of regularity. And every other person I know seems to have a blog, a YouTube channel, a podcast, or some combination of the above. Endless words are exchanged on Facebook. But I think the market is far from saturated. On the contrary, there are people all across the U.S. who know, to varying degrees, that, in the immortal words of V in V for Vendetta “There is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there?” I truly believe these people would gain hope and inspiration from hearing about what’s going on in New Hampshire. All is not lost! Not by a long shot.

I’ve been working on this website and weekly e-newsletter, and the truth is, it has been pretty much ready to go for weeks now. But I keep not pushing the metaphorical button and telling people about it. I come up with tons of excuses for this: it’s not perfect yet. I just need to do *that* thing first (and tweak that other thing, and oh crap don’t forget that one too). I’m still learning, I need more time. I sprained my wrist, and although it didn’t affect my ability to type at all, it hurt. Waaaaah. I have a tummy ache. I have a headache. I’m hungover. I’m not even kidding, these are actual bullshit excuses I have used on myself.

The real reason, which I’ve been fully aware of all along, is fear: specifically, fear of what other people will think. Some people will criticize. Some people will ignore my project (aka THE MOST IMPORTANT AND MAGNIFICENT THING IN THE WHOLE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE) when I want them to notice it. Some people will wonder what I spent all those years in college for, and why the hell I’m not continuing to make large quantities of money doing what I used to do as an Oracle software consultant. Some people will be bored. Someone will think I’m dumb. Someone will think I’m too fat, too old, too weird. Someone will think I just plain suck. Someone will get mad (someone always gets mad). Some people may be offended that I haven’t asked them to participate (although that’s one of the million and one things I still need to finish).

So I’ve been racked with, or should I say wallowing in, fear for weeks now. And then I feel ashamed of myself for letting the fear hold me back. I really need to reread Harry Browne’s How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, the gist of which, if I recall correctly from my last reading, was “don’t waste your life worrying what other people think of you”. It’s been said many times and many ways, in books and songs and lyric poetry, but most (some would claim all) of the chains that hold people back are all in their head. And the only one who can break such chains is yourself (I suppose it’s possible that Siamese twins who share a single brain could legitimately blame being held back by fear on their sibling, but since I’m not a twin, let alone a Siamese one, I’m going to have to let that one go).

I’m tired of being afraid, and I’m tired of being ashamed for letting the fear hold me back. Also, I’ve got a lot of content already written that is rapidly aging, so if I don’t share it soon, I’ll need to come up with fresh material.

Carpe diem. It’s a good day to die. Etc etc.

So keep an eye out for an announcement with a link to the new site. Today. Not tomorrow… today. (are you paying attention, self? I’m putting this out there to rather a lot of people. Don’t let me down now. Don’t be a jackass.)

But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek…then I ask you to stand beside me…
V TV

4 thoughts on “Fear

  1. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, and as with everything of yours I’ve ever read, I am enjoying it immensely. And I alway mean to comment, and never do. But after reading this today, I thought what the hell, I should let you know today that all the work you do is appreciated and well-received. Good luck on the new website. I look forward to checking it out.

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