laissez les bon temps roulez

It’s time for another thrilling edition of Sandy in the Kitchen! This week’s project is Paleo Crockpot Jambalaya Soup. Laissez les bon temps roulez!!

First, I chop a rainbow of peppers and onions: green, orange, red, yellow and purple. Tres jolie!

Then I grab the chicken breasts that I purchased specifically for this project. Only, I procrastinated a bit, so the mass-produced decidedly unorganic chicken is now two weeks past its use-by date. Take a whiff; doesn’t smell too bad.  Let’s roll! A little salmonella never killed anyone. (Oh wait… )

Next, chopped garlic and chicken stock.

Next, the all-important Cajun seasoning “from Emeril!” (direct quote from recipe).  Go down the list, adding what seems like very generous portions of a large number of spices to the crockpot. Paprika bottle is running dry so just dump all of it in there.  Not until I’ve added every single spice listed do I notice that Emeril’s recipe is for a large quantity of Cajun seasoning, of which this recipe only calls for 3 T.  Oops.  Hilarity, water retention, and a flaming anus, is going to ensue.

The final touch is Frank’s Red Hot. I’ve got this; I bought two big bottles at Costco a while ago.  A long while ago, apparently, since the use-by date on the bottles is back in 2010.  Hmmmmm… check ingredients of Frank’s. Meh. A little rancid oil never killed me before!  Into the crockpot with you!

Get everything stewing in the crockpot (a few ingredients are to be added later). Notice that, although canned tomatoes were listed in the ingredients, recipe never specifies when to add them. Derp. Also, notice that I overlooked adding the optional okra, which I actually did purchase for the first time ever. Go rooting through fridge, trying to remember what okra looks like and hoping it hasn’t gone fuzzy yet. Find it. Open bag…   EHHHHHHHH…  OHHHHHHH ok, no okra this time.  Go ahead and dump in the canned tomatoes.

Get frozen shrimp, to be added later, out of freezer. Looks like I used some of this bag before, so long ago I can’t even remember when. Shrimp inside seems to have kind of a… chewy… texture.  Hmmmm.  Is this safe?  Oh hell, shrimp is EXPENSIVE.  That shit’s goin’ in.

In a few hours, after the approximately 3.333 times overspiced soup has had a chance to stew to a lethally spicy level, I will add the questionable-but-way-too-expensive-to-throw-away shrimp, andouille sausage, and cauliflower “rice”. I take a moment to note that it seems like, every time I try to be “healthy” by cooking something from scratch, I wind up adding several ingredients with a strong likelihood of making me seriously ill. Wonder if should just give up on this paleo business and go to the McDonald’s drive-through.  Mmmmm…. burger.  No, no, my dedication to HEALTH and NATURAL, WHOLESOME living will proceed. Even if it kills me.

Here’s the recipe, for those who want to play along at home.

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